


skeleton in the closet

by manohman (markohmark)



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M, lapslock, nothing happens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2019-01-05 02:42:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12181335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/markohmark/pseuds/manohman
Summary: it was a part of him that he didn't want to show jeonghan. a dark place, dark thoughts, and anyway--it isn't like he's like that anymore.





	skeleton in the closet

**Author's Note:**

  * For [catalystkrish](https://archiveofourown.org/users/catalystkrish/gifts).



> tw: past suicide ideation

"you got gum?" jeonghan asks idly. he's lounging around on the couch of joshua and johnny's apartment, legs tossed over joshua's lap.

 

"mmm, why?" joshua replies lazily. jeonghan's toes keep tapping against the leg of the couch.

 

jeonghan raises a single, imperious eyebrow. "i just ate the fish curry take out from xi'an," he says.

 

"mmm," joshua agrees, not really paying attention.

 

"and i don't wanna kiss you with fish breath," jeonghan adds.

 

joshua straightens up immediately, an almost pavlovian response. jeonghan smirks.

 

"oh," joshua says. the curve of his smile is still sleepy, but his eyes are more alert. "it's in the front pocket of my backpack."

 

joshua watches jeonghan with a quiet smile as he riffles through the bag. he's changed joshua's life so much from six months ago, when even getting up in the morning was an arduous task.

 

then, he remembers what he kept in the front pocket of his backpack. hidden underneath a pencil case, yes, but--

 

"wait, jeonghan," joshua says, standing up nervously. "i'll get it, i know where it is."

 

jeonghan's already found it, based on the expression on his face. not the pack of juicy fruit gum, bought especially for jeonghan and how self-conscious he was about certain things, but the bottle of pills joshua stole from the medicine cabinet a year ago.

 

"what's this?" jeonghan asks, holding the bottle up to the light. he isn't accusing, which is what joshua had expected. instead, he sounds--strangely calm.

 

"it's--my allergy meds," joshua lies. even though jeonghan knows he only has pollen allergies, and the only medication required for him is nasal spray. he walks over to where jeonghan is crouched over his bag. "come on, give it to me."

 

jeonghan ignores joshua, turning the container over and over in his hands. the pills rattle as he fiddles with it. joshua hates it.

 

"why's it say 'insurance' on it?" jeonghan asks. he sounds neutral, normal, as if they were discussing what to order for pizza. hell, jeonghan had more emotion in his voice when they were arguing about toppings a couple days ago.

then, jeonghan shows the sharpie-marked lid to joshua.

 

a year ago, joshua had furiously scribbled those letters onto the lid and hid it carefully in his backpack. he--he wanted an escape route. a plan. not something he would actually undertake, of course, but an option. it was one he had contemplated far too often.

 

it was a part of him that he didn't want to show jeonghan. a dark place, dark thoughts, and anyway--it isn't like he's like that anymore.

 

"i--" joshua struggles for words. jeonghan means everything to him, but he can't give everything to jeonghan.

 

jeonghan's eyes soften. he gets up, lays an encouraging hand on joshua's shoulder. so kind, so perfect, so beautiful, nothing like joshua. "if there's anything you want to tell me," jeonghan says quietly.

 

joshua doesn't want to lie, already feels guilty for saying it was his allergy medication. "it wasn't my meds," joshua says finally. he doesn't look at jeonghan. "i don't--i don't. want to talk about it."

**Author's Note:**

> i feel kinda terrible today, hs is bad 
> 
> inspired by: i like me better by lauv
> 
> support seventeen ;_;


End file.
